I woke up early today, friday the 13th of all days to having a dream about me being back in High school. But, here be the kicker-It was only during lunch this dream took place. I looked as I do now. I know as I know now everything but there was no one there I graduated with so all new kids and shit. I was freaking out. They were hateful little brats and I wound up chucking a plate at one and tellin' them to shut their whore mouth and be nice to the lunch ladies because they'll regret it when one spits in their food and mixes it up before handing it to 'em. I got me my two plates of food which wound up costing 6 bucks...6 BUCKS..what the hell..I remember paying no more than 2 bucks for that funky tasting food which was great when you hadn't ate nothing all morning. Anywho, back on track-I was just struck by awe I wound up back here. I wasn't made fun of but I was stared at like I was something strange. .... Then ... I woke up.
End scene.
I laid back down after raising straight up coughing for a moment and I was thinking to myself "what the fuck was that and why would I dream such a strange thing?!"..I did my morning ritual, piss, wash hands and face, grab a drink and a granola bar then sat and listened to music. Oi vey. I'm late for work at the moment but i'm making up for it from having 2 hours of overtime yesterday.
I felt like sharing because well, it's worthy of sharing. Anyone else having strange dreams lately?..
The times of random and reasons that need no explanation.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
About that
The last post you see below. Yeah. From my phone.
I'm going to leave it there for all you who read my blogs to show you that a Android device isn't blogger friendly right now sending via SMS.
I'm working the office today. I've just gotten back from lunch 25 mintues ago, i'm gonna file some papers and clean up a bit before the work rush hits. Meaning, I'll still be here when people are getting off work and that I'll be their slave to questions they have.
Ugh. I don't think I'll like this job.
I'm going to leave it there for all you who read my blogs to show you that a Android device isn't blogger friendly right now sending via SMS.
I'm working the office today. I've just gotten back from lunch 25 mintues ago, i'm gonna file some papers and clean up a bit before the work rush hits. Meaning, I'll still be here when people are getting off work and that I'll be their slave to questions they have.
Ugh. I don't think I'll like this job.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Does it begin or does it end?
Where do we see the addiction of life become a habit more so than a habit to enjoy. I don't find much enjoyment. I'll tell you why.
I'm plagued with thoughts that if I in fact leave this place that the world itself will implode on itself. (I'm talking about the apartments)
I've shoved the mindset (which by the way is wearing off as we speak still) that if I leave my family will go through a biblical crisis that I could have helped diverted if I stayed around longer.
That's 2 reasons why I haven't shoved myself out there to go find another job nor have I (to a degree) shoved myself out the door to go and find a new home. Working and living at your job. It's becoming a dull and irritating situation. One could do it if there was some kind of incentive program. There isn't one for any of the properties the company I work for. 'Nuff said. I'm really working more than I should and not getting the pay for it either. My boss wouldn't give me a better raise like she wanted to because her fear of me moving because it would raise my rent higher. Look. I am the 3rd highest paying renter here at the apartments. I'm in there because well, I deserve my pay and like the saying goes "you play-you pay" ..I'm paying for it in the end. I don't mind it. I'd rather have one paycheck to live nicely off of and be able to sit down and pay bills and not worry about if I'm going to be able to live the next 2 weeks off of saltines and tap water. My own mother witnessed my living this past Friday when I sat in front of her and paid out all my bills which amass to more than I get paid. I pay them all and it leaves me with less than 25 bucks everytime because that $25 bucks is what was left from my last paycheck which was swallowed up by my rent and one bill I pay in advance to savor the next check (if you can't figure it out. I'm being paid bi-weekly).
So, why the bitching and complaining you could say, from me?
Well, reason I'm sounding as if I want pity from you all reading this is that I want others to realize that people who work, live life inside the box inside ANOTHER box, they live a hard life too. Seeing that struggle every week I find myself taking a breath every pay check to say "oh look. Money, I need to give it away before it flies away". I don't care about my pay. I don't. I am happy that I'm able to get paid what I do. Which it's salary so whatever.
I'm wanting to get out of here but ...alas.. I'm too fucking lazy to motivate myself on weekends or evenings after I get off work. I'd rather come home and be the typical American Bachelor and play video games, drink beer and watch porn then go to bed. I don't think there will be any place for a woman in my life any time soon so that shit is shoved out the door alongsides with the thought that there is a house out there that is available for me to pay less than $475 a month - I know that's uber cheep to some. North Carolina is a very poor state and the cost of living is cheep to some. But when the minimum wage is only $7.25hr ..shit gets expensive real quick. I'm paying $400 a month for my place. I could spare a couple dollars more. I know people around me in my circle of friends who are paying $300 a month for a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom house. It's nice, Fuck though - How does a person like me get that handed to me, because like I said earlier. I am way to lazy to just hop out of my recliner here and just go after it like it's a butterfly just wanting me to catch it. Ugh, I guess I should wrap this up. I'm getting bored with the thoughts over in my brain because it's turning into a argument in there and god knows when my head gets into that bind I start bitching and complaining way more than I know.
I just set up my mobile blogging bit so I will possibly start posting a lot more here soon.
I'm plagued with thoughts that if I in fact leave this place that the world itself will implode on itself. (I'm talking about the apartments)
I've shoved the mindset (which by the way is wearing off as we speak still) that if I leave my family will go through a biblical crisis that I could have helped diverted if I stayed around longer.
That's 2 reasons why I haven't shoved myself out there to go find another job nor have I (to a degree) shoved myself out the door to go and find a new home. Working and living at your job. It's becoming a dull and irritating situation. One could do it if there was some kind of incentive program. There isn't one for any of the properties the company I work for. 'Nuff said. I'm really working more than I should and not getting the pay for it either. My boss wouldn't give me a better raise like she wanted to because her fear of me moving because it would raise my rent higher. Look. I am the 3rd highest paying renter here at the apartments. I'm in there because well, I deserve my pay and like the saying goes "you play-you pay" ..I'm paying for it in the end. I don't mind it. I'd rather have one paycheck to live nicely off of and be able to sit down and pay bills and not worry about if I'm going to be able to live the next 2 weeks off of saltines and tap water. My own mother witnessed my living this past Friday when I sat in front of her and paid out all my bills which amass to more than I get paid. I pay them all and it leaves me with less than 25 bucks everytime because that $25 bucks is what was left from my last paycheck which was swallowed up by my rent and one bill I pay in advance to savor the next check (if you can't figure it out. I'm being paid bi-weekly).
So, why the bitching and complaining you could say, from me?
Well, reason I'm sounding as if I want pity from you all reading this is that I want others to realize that people who work, live life inside the box inside ANOTHER box, they live a hard life too. Seeing that struggle every week I find myself taking a breath every pay check to say "oh look. Money, I need to give it away before it flies away". I don't care about my pay. I don't. I am happy that I'm able to get paid what I do. Which it's salary so whatever.
I'm wanting to get out of here but ...alas.. I'm too fucking lazy to motivate myself on weekends or evenings after I get off work. I'd rather come home and be the typical American Bachelor and play video games, drink beer and watch porn then go to bed. I don't think there will be any place for a woman in my life any time soon so that shit is shoved out the door alongsides with the thought that there is a house out there that is available for me to pay less than $475 a month - I know that's uber cheep to some. North Carolina is a very poor state and the cost of living is cheep to some. But when the minimum wage is only $7.25hr ..shit gets expensive real quick. I'm paying $400 a month for my place. I could spare a couple dollars more. I know people around me in my circle of friends who are paying $300 a month for a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom house. It's nice, Fuck though - How does a person like me get that handed to me, because like I said earlier. I am way to lazy to just hop out of my recliner here and just go after it like it's a butterfly just wanting me to catch it. Ugh, I guess I should wrap this up. I'm getting bored with the thoughts over in my brain because it's turning into a argument in there and god knows when my head gets into that bind I start bitching and complaining way more than I know.
I just set up my mobile blogging bit so I will possibly start posting a lot more here soon.
Monday, August 2, 2010
The oddtimes that takes more time than none
I feel a slight headache coming on as I type all this out while listening to some techno. It's nearly 2am as I type this. I've thought long and hard about things recently and came to this conclusion on my mindset.
It's more screwed up than Charles Manson's head.
No, really. I am, I can't get over my past. I don't let it go at all and I always think back on things. Some how or another it'll just come out of no where. This morning I was thinking about a previous ex and the day we had broken up. I wasn't sad nor mad, but my mind instead jumped to the thought of my friends who are married and living out lives with a significant other and here I am alone and depressed, looking for at least some for of companionship because lets face it. I'm not doing so great on the ladies front *sigh*. Eh, well I think for the better part I've been doing alright. I'm slowly learning more and more from my possible new job. Pushing papers and typing on computers. All while putting up with random people all at the same time. Arg, I feel the sleep trying to take hold of me. I've not blogged though in so long. I felt like I needed to step into those shoes and let loose on whats been keeping me roused up ...
damn females.
It's more screwed up than Charles Manson's head.
No, really. I am, I can't get over my past. I don't let it go at all and I always think back on things. Some how or another it'll just come out of no where. This morning I was thinking about a previous ex and the day we had broken up. I wasn't sad nor mad, but my mind instead jumped to the thought of my friends who are married and living out lives with a significant other and here I am alone and depressed, looking for at least some for of companionship because lets face it. I'm not doing so great on the ladies front *sigh*. Eh, well I think for the better part I've been doing alright. I'm slowly learning more and more from my possible new job. Pushing papers and typing on computers. All while putting up with random people all at the same time. Arg, I feel the sleep trying to take hold of me. I've not blogged though in so long. I felt like I needed to step into those shoes and let loose on whats been keeping me roused up ...
damn females.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Where was I?
Where was I a while back?..I've had a lot of things happen here and there. Mostly just with my work though. I'm kinda sorta searching for a new place to lay my head at night. As much as I'd love for it to be out of state, alas it won't happen. I don't have the funds and my credit at the moment is shitty. Work is just becoming unbearable. I literally just go there to dick around to find whatever I can to do to kill 7 hours a day. Everyone else works like crazy. Not me. 6 years of this same shit. it's becoming --yeah unbearable. I've spent the better part of my evening when I come home from work in my living room playing on the PS3, killing people on Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2. God, that game is relaxing sometimes from a long irritating day. It just feels right to log on, kill people and scream at others for being idjits. =D
Personal life. Well it's personal for a reason. THERE ISN"T NOTHING HAPPENING...rofl.
I've had a moment or two of calling the past back up but, I insist on telling my mind and heart to shut the fuck up before I rip them out and replace them with something better.
Well there is something personal I can share that might gross you out. I've not taken pictures yet for it. I've not shaven the facial hair for a month now. Yeah, a month. No one has complained about it at work. family members aren't saying a word. I'm like..word..let it roll. Hell I might find a woman who appreciates a fat man with a beard. o.0!
ok it's after 2am. I need sleep but I can't sleep. night people
Personal life. Well it's personal for a reason. THERE ISN"T NOTHING HAPPENING...rofl.
I've had a moment or two of calling the past back up but, I insist on telling my mind and heart to shut the fuck up before I rip them out and replace them with something better.
Well there is something personal I can share that might gross you out. I've not taken pictures yet for it. I've not shaven the facial hair for a month now. Yeah, a month. No one has complained about it at work. family members aren't saying a word. I'm like..word..let it roll. Hell I might find a woman who appreciates a fat man with a beard. o.0!
ok it's after 2am. I need sleep but I can't sleep. night people
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Responsibility
It's too much to think that I will be responsible soon for a lot of lives and 9 building totaling 92 apartments I'll be responsible for as well... =/
I don't deal with stress so easily. I do however know how to work and manipulate people to a degree and turn tables when needed. I don't know how to bite my tongue when I'm ill or you make a snide comment towards me even if it's about my job. I don't handle my anger very well and that's what pretty much scares the living shit out of me to take over being site manager here at the apartments. I fear I won't be able to hold off on just snapping a person neck because they aren't living in some 5 start apartment like those you find in upper Manhattan, New York. This is government housing. We're slack asses because the government and the management company doesn't wanna give us the money but once every other year to do something that helps out.
I can however, do the paperwork. Snap out orders and tell ppl whether or not they can live here or failed the criminal or credit backgrounds. I have a god complex when I have more authority than I can handle sometimes as well. I call it a perk. Some call it being a complete asshole. What else can I do that would turn this to a positive outlook. There is so much training I need to go through but, christ - my mom went through it for a month or less and was thrown into the pits. Now she knows most the Rural Development stuff like it's nothing. It's a time taking process that...we neither have time to do because WE'RE the only ones who will take the time to sit through the paperwork. My co-worker and other supervisor (who btw works another job as a manager) won't touch our paperwork. Will not call contractors. Won't meet up with them and kiss their asses like I've done in the past to just cut a deal and do the work without having to kill me and make me look a fool in the end. I was never taught people skills. I wasn't shown how to talk 'properly' over the phone. I just..did it. Went with the flow and showed kindess with kindess and showed pissed off with a smart ass attitude. I can do that.
I took can triple my yearly income with taking this job. I won't settle for less than what my mom is getting and in lieu of my training I've had over the years and taught myself alongside with her help. I should make what she is getting. Then...I'll have to move from this place...yay. I'll just move to another apartment complex. If I happen to make it a year here. I'll move onward to another management job. But. I don't give myself enough hope to make it here a year without being the biggest mother fucking asshole god ever put on this earth. I can't stand sniveling lil women who are leaches upon the government, who do nothing but know how to lay on their back and get knocked up ever other 9 months and get another extra check because they don't know how to say no. It just irritates me to death. I've been here 6 years and bared witness to a lot of this. I've seen good people come and go. More go then come. More and more I turn and look this place is becoming the hood.
...I..won't..I can't let that happen. I'll burn these buildings down and rebuild them with my own hands before this shit gets this bad. Another thing though is burdening myself with other peoples drama. My own mother it seems, after all these years. Thrives off it. She will listen and then turn and tell others her problems because she feels "safe" telling them this. Then in turn, a few days, weeks, months later when a problem arises with that person. Shit hits the fan because what was said months ago has been turned and now people are at her throat or she's at their throat. vice versa. It's ridiculous, I won't let myself get there. I tend to block out people when they start in on their personal lives while I'm at work. Because...A) it isn't my business - B) I could give two squirts of piss. I notice while I work in there as well. I won't look people in the eyes. I've heard this is a sign of someone lying or not being honest. I just can't because I can see them for more than what they are and I wind up getting irritable and let them just become winded and keep repeating themselves over till I wind up telling them something differently.
That's me and yeah. I'm evil when I have more power than I'm suppose to. Think that's why I couldn't do government work or higher power end jobs because of my minor god complex I have with authority and idiots.
Well, stick around I'll keep you guys up-to-date on what the changes that are coming around soon.
Marion - OUT
I don't deal with stress so easily. I do however know how to work and manipulate people to a degree and turn tables when needed. I don't know how to bite my tongue when I'm ill or you make a snide comment towards me even if it's about my job. I don't handle my anger very well and that's what pretty much scares the living shit out of me to take over being site manager here at the apartments. I fear I won't be able to hold off on just snapping a person neck because they aren't living in some 5 start apartment like those you find in upper Manhattan, New York. This is government housing. We're slack asses because the government and the management company doesn't wanna give us the money but once every other year to do something that helps out.
I can however, do the paperwork. Snap out orders and tell ppl whether or not they can live here or failed the criminal or credit backgrounds. I have a god complex when I have more authority than I can handle sometimes as well. I call it a perk. Some call it being a complete asshole. What else can I do that would turn this to a positive outlook. There is so much training I need to go through but, christ - my mom went through it for a month or less and was thrown into the pits. Now she knows most the Rural Development stuff like it's nothing. It's a time taking process that...we neither have time to do because WE'RE the only ones who will take the time to sit through the paperwork. My co-worker and other supervisor (who btw works another job as a manager) won't touch our paperwork. Will not call contractors. Won't meet up with them and kiss their asses like I've done in the past to just cut a deal and do the work without having to kill me and make me look a fool in the end. I was never taught people skills. I wasn't shown how to talk 'properly' over the phone. I just..did it. Went with the flow and showed kindess with kindess and showed pissed off with a smart ass attitude. I can do that.
I took can triple my yearly income with taking this job. I won't settle for less than what my mom is getting and in lieu of my training I've had over the years and taught myself alongside with her help. I should make what she is getting. Then...I'll have to move from this place...yay. I'll just move to another apartment complex. If I happen to make it a year here. I'll move onward to another management job. But. I don't give myself enough hope to make it here a year without being the biggest mother fucking asshole god ever put on this earth. I can't stand sniveling lil women who are leaches upon the government, who do nothing but know how to lay on their back and get knocked up ever other 9 months and get another extra check because they don't know how to say no. It just irritates me to death. I've been here 6 years and bared witness to a lot of this. I've seen good people come and go. More go then come. More and more I turn and look this place is becoming the hood.
...I..won't..I can't let that happen. I'll burn these buildings down and rebuild them with my own hands before this shit gets this bad. Another thing though is burdening myself with other peoples drama. My own mother it seems, after all these years. Thrives off it. She will listen and then turn and tell others her problems because she feels "safe" telling them this. Then in turn, a few days, weeks, months later when a problem arises with that person. Shit hits the fan because what was said months ago has been turned and now people are at her throat or she's at their throat. vice versa. It's ridiculous, I won't let myself get there. I tend to block out people when they start in on their personal lives while I'm at work. Because...A) it isn't my business - B) I could give two squirts of piss. I notice while I work in there as well. I won't look people in the eyes. I've heard this is a sign of someone lying or not being honest. I just can't because I can see them for more than what they are and I wind up getting irritable and let them just become winded and keep repeating themselves over till I wind up telling them something differently.
That's me and yeah. I'm evil when I have more power than I'm suppose to. Think that's why I couldn't do government work or higher power end jobs because of my minor god complex I have with authority and idiots.
Well, stick around I'll keep you guys up-to-date on what the changes that are coming around soon.
Marion - OUT
Thursday, April 15, 2010
That dreary tone..
"I can't believe I died last night, Oh God I'm dead again" - Type O Negative "Dead Again"
..That lyric is true. Peter Steele is dead. God, that is just fucking sucky. That man has got mad ...mad fucking talent. Sure, He was the typical rock god - drugs, sex and lots and lots of rock and roll baby.
I remember buying my first Type O Negative album. My friend James talked me into buying 'October Rust' .. I did and was just shocked at the sexuality innuendo that was underneath the gothic riffs and the just tone that was coming from this mans throat. It wasn't growling, it was a fuckin bass voice and I was enthralled with it. I was so entranced by the keyboard and the bass and rhythm that was coming out of my speakers. I couldn't get enough. I always would pick with friends on what album would be the best one to listen to while having sex. Most our answers were always a Type O Negative album. Mine was either bloody kisses or October Rust. ....Well..rofl...I got my wish. I remember back in 2005 when I was dating my ex and we were having sex and I remember hearing "Love you to death" playing through my speakers on the computer. I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear - Needless to say I rubbed it in every single friend I had. It's mood music. It really is. You want to set a mood for some just outright sex, the kind that last for hours. I recommend you go out RIGHT NOW and buy October Rust.
If you are depressed. Wanting to just lam loose. I recommend Bloody Kisses or Life is Killing me. although Life is Killing me is a bit dull and lackluster - You can't go wrong though with either or BOTH for that matter.
Every single album, when I'm depressed or needing that pick up of sorts. You can always count on Peter Steele's voice just coming in and telling you that there will be another woman and you will be ravaged and can go out and rip souls apart with the glare like no other.
I've got 2 beers left, I'm dropping one and the other one I'm gonna drop it down and spare some for Peter.
Find peace Peter, No more having to rely on pills to make it through the day. Now head up top and find Darrell and you two ROCK THE FUCK OUT OF THOSE GATES..in heaven or in hell. One or the other. It'll be a concert unlike anything one would imagine.
Your music will live on eons from now. No one ...I MEAN NO ONE will reproduce the vomit you spewed forth and call it music. I won't - no on else will.
Marion - OUT.
I just read this excerpt from Wikipedia :
In April 2007, Steele revealed that he began identifying himself as Roman Catholic in recent years, after decades of self-professed atheism. In an interview with Decibel magazine, Steele explained “There are no atheists in foxholes, they say, and I was a foxhole atheist for a long time. But after going through a midlife crisis and having many things change very quickly, it made me realize my mortality. And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what’s after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it’s a frightening thought to go nowhere. I also can’t believe that people like Stalin and Hitler are gonna go to the same place as Mother Teresa.”[4]
That's fanfuckingtastic Pete. I've questioned my mortality as well. I'm scared of death. It's what's after I'm scared of too. I hope there is a God that'll accept me as well..
..That lyric is true. Peter Steele is dead. God, that is just fucking sucky. That man has got mad ...mad fucking talent. Sure, He was the typical rock god - drugs, sex and lots and lots of rock and roll baby.
I remember buying my first Type O Negative album. My friend James talked me into buying 'October Rust' .. I did and was just shocked at the sexuality innuendo that was underneath the gothic riffs and the just tone that was coming from this mans throat. It wasn't growling, it was a fuckin bass voice and I was enthralled with it. I was so entranced by the keyboard and the bass and rhythm that was coming out of my speakers. I couldn't get enough. I always would pick with friends on what album would be the best one to listen to while having sex. Most our answers were always a Type O Negative album. Mine was either bloody kisses or October Rust. ....Well..rofl...I got my wish. I remember back in 2005 when I was dating my ex and we were having sex and I remember hearing "Love you to death" playing through my speakers on the computer. I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear - Needless to say I rubbed it in every single friend I had. It's mood music. It really is. You want to set a mood for some just outright sex, the kind that last for hours. I recommend you go out RIGHT NOW and buy October Rust.
If you are depressed. Wanting to just lam loose. I recommend Bloody Kisses or Life is Killing me. although Life is Killing me is a bit dull and lackluster - You can't go wrong though with either or BOTH for that matter.
Every single album, when I'm depressed or needing that pick up of sorts. You can always count on Peter Steele's voice just coming in and telling you that there will be another woman and you will be ravaged and can go out and rip souls apart with the glare like no other.
I've got 2 beers left, I'm dropping one and the other one I'm gonna drop it down and spare some for Peter.
Find peace Peter, No more having to rely on pills to make it through the day. Now head up top and find Darrell and you two ROCK THE FUCK OUT OF THOSE GATES..in heaven or in hell. One or the other. It'll be a concert unlike anything one would imagine.
Your music will live on eons from now. No one ...I MEAN NO ONE will reproduce the vomit you spewed forth and call it music. I won't - no on else will.
Marion - OUT.
I just read this excerpt from Wikipedia :
In April 2007, Steele revealed that he began identifying himself as Roman Catholic in recent years, after decades of self-professed atheism. In an interview with Decibel magazine, Steele explained “There are no atheists in foxholes, they say, and I was a foxhole atheist for a long time. But after going through a midlife crisis and having many things change very quickly, it made me realize my mortality. And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what’s after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it’s a frightening thought to go nowhere. I also can’t believe that people like Stalin and Hitler are gonna go to the same place as Mother Teresa.”[4]
That's fanfuckingtastic Pete. I've questioned my mortality as well. I'm scared of death. It's what's after I'm scared of too. I hope there is a God that'll accept me as well..
Thursday, April 8, 2010
For your consideration
I've had a moment today of just utter craziness..I went and cleaned my car out today while I was running errands for the complex ( i know - bad Matthew ) But, I seen that I needed to clean it out so I stopped at the carwash below main street and cleaned out my car, It was full of effing junk..but, not as bad as I've seen it before. I could at least see the floor of it. I've had to dig before to see the bottom of the seat before. Anywho. ... my crazy moment was seeing the big picture. I'm starting up a new bit of life. I'm working on things, trying out new 'skin' per-say..seeing how I might maybe one day step up in the business world ..soon..maybe..But, I'm content being the happy go sappy Matthew in life. but, Dude..I'm almost 30..4 years away but still..that'll be here in no time, I'm sitting alone. Enjoying life but - Man, I'm missing some stuff and I'm trying to progress and change that, thus why I'm crazy for trying out stuff for me. It's like the whole new wardrobe deal.
I've never ever in my life been one for dressing up. Now though. If I know I have to work the office that day or I'm going out to the town with friends I'm seeing a total transformation. I'm not wearing just a regular ol' t-shirt and baggy as all jeans. See me walk out the door wearing a vertical stripped button up shirt tucked in wearing khaki pants ironed out and neat. dude, w-t-f ..3 years ago. this wasn't me. But...it's true.
You progress towards what you're gonna become sooner or later. It's happening to me now. I'm becoming the business casual geek. Aside from the weight lost i've experienced some I'm seeing my true self come to the surface and...yeah, I like it.
I'll leave this blog with a awesome quote from a great song I've loved since I was a teen..
"Sometimes you got to go through Hell before you get to Heaven" - Steve Miller Band
Marion - OUT!
I've never ever in my life been one for dressing up. Now though. If I know I have to work the office that day or I'm going out to the town with friends I'm seeing a total transformation. I'm not wearing just a regular ol' t-shirt and baggy as all jeans. See me walk out the door wearing a vertical stripped button up shirt tucked in wearing khaki pants ironed out and neat. dude, w-t-f ..3 years ago. this wasn't me. But...it's true.
You progress towards what you're gonna become sooner or later. It's happening to me now. I'm becoming the business casual geek. Aside from the weight lost i've experienced some I'm seeing my true self come to the surface and...yeah, I like it.
I'll leave this blog with a awesome quote from a great song I've loved since I was a teen..
"Sometimes you got to go through Hell before you get to Heaven" - Steve Miller Band
Marion - OUT!
Monday, April 5, 2010
What was that sound?
Yeah really. Last night, after I finished up my previous blog I had published here. I found myself still awake and no where near sleepy. So, I thought that with some online tv would do me in. It did but in the process of coming back and sitting in my recliner and trying to get the damn thing to recliner back. I blame me being fat for this. It worked before pretty good. I don't know if it was because I'm heavy and it's hard to make it recline, anyways I hopped and jerked myself back to see if it would release and try to open. Nope. What it did do was this -CRACK!!! .. The frame in front on edge busted and broke. Now I'm sitting on no frame right now and just hear the crack and ping of springs going nuts underneath my weight. Well. Luckily I have another recliner that is uberly smaller that'll I'll use. Next up after it goes kerplunk. well the dog will get a new bed because the loveseat will return to being my throne. It once was and after my ex left me I reclaimed my throne in the recliner. I think today though I might ask and see if my mom will give me a offer that she once extended to me a few months back, she has a account with a furniture store and I would love a new living room suit but, With the dog still kicking I fear it could be back for she might mess on it or something else. I may wait to extend that question till a later date. I've had hand-me-downs since I moved in. Only thing that truly is mine that I've had...um...my broken desktop maybe? ...toothbrush?..fuck, I don't know. Just realizing that now I'm running even more late than before is making me hesitate even more so than 10 minutes ago when I started this blog up. Ugh.
I should become like the world and become a heavily medicated person.
My mom and brother are. 2 of my ex's are. One was more less a addict, wait-2 were. Heh. I think I'll stick to the suffer in silence till I'm pissed off and ready to explode and kill on sight method of medicine
Ok. I've got to go and get dressed and look like I'm a stain upon society with my paint and stain covered shirts and baggy jeans when underneath this visage I'm quite the knowledgeable man and honorable person who is a pacifist and protector...that is till you fuck with me and piss me off.
Marion - OUT
I should become like the world and become a heavily medicated person.
My mom and brother are. 2 of my ex's are. One was more less a addict, wait-2 were. Heh. I think I'll stick to the suffer in silence till I'm pissed off and ready to explode and kill on sight method of medicine
Ok. I've got to go and get dressed and look like I'm a stain upon society with my paint and stain covered shirts and baggy jeans when underneath this visage I'm quite the knowledgeable man and honorable person who is a pacifist and protector...that is till you fuck with me and piss me off.
Marion - OUT
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Back into the fire
I've been out of this for so long now that I find myself dying to blog. I've been without my laptop for damn near 2 months. OMG, I know - well; retract that statement. YOU don't know. I do, several other friends of mine do know as well. I've not went through withdrawal symptoms as bad as I did several years ago.
You find me without a computer 5 years ago and I'd be dying.
My lifeboat - My mobile. God I will never convert back to a regular mobile phone ever again. I absolutely love my Droid and will never trade it for all the gold in...Atlantis. It's been my line into the world and kept me up-to-date on everything. I mean it all. Facebook, Twitter, Myspace hell even Fubar. I've done well, only thing that's not itched me hardly any at all.
World of Warcraft.
I did however cancel my account Friday evening. I find myself wanting to play but then I realize I'm bored in 20 minutes. Oh well, That's 15 bucks a month I'll be saving. Christ. I need to save. I've got mass debt to pay off.
-Anywho. I'm glad to be back on this. I'm happy. Scary to be happy that you're blogging stuff down. But, I am. I've even went as far as recording my thoughts and whatnot before bed at night on my mobile. I've got quite a bit of stuff on there I need to go through and blog down soon. That'll be at a later date when I get to feeling the need to. Right now I'm content with what is being spilled onto the palate right now.
So, I'm gonna give you guys a up to date on life as is right now and what you have all missed in the past few months.
-My brother has gotten a car. He and my step-father went out and bought a 2010 Mazda CX7 . Tis a nice SUV. He got the church he attends to pay for the hand control so that he can drive it. Then this past tuesday he went to the DMV and took his writing and eye and driving test and passed. He is back on the road. OMFG. Nearly 6 years he's been off the road. We've been the ones to drive him everywhere. I've been with him several times riding around, getting him used to the control and how to handle this big car around. Interesting is all I can say. He's got a lot of learning still left and I fear he needs to do it alone. He does scare me sometimes. But, I realize that if we wreck or cause someone else to wreck then...it was bound to happen sooner or later. He is very heavy 'handed' ...with this hand control he is driving one hand on the steering wheel and one hand on this control stick that you press forward for the brakes and press down for the gas. It's interesting. I've driven like it before and let me tell you. It was very hard for me to do for the first few times till I had to treat my hands like my feet and switched sensory perception like he has had to learn over the past years since becoming a paraplegic. My mom on the other side of this all is a fucking total wreck and will not watch him drive. She rode in the back seat one time and only time. She went into screaming fit when he was turning onto a road and was on the otherside because he over corrected and a 18-Wheeler was coming around the corner. I had to yell at her to calm down before she makes him more nervous. He drives just like he use to when his legs were working. He rides the white line...HORRIBLY. He's ran off the road several times. Nearly hit a car the other night. Has almost hit my car and my neighbors car because there isn't much room for him to turn here in the parking lot when he's leaving.
...It's just....gonna take a lot of time and patience. Which I've got. But, my mom and step dad doesn't.
-Other news.
Personal wise. I've really not got much to report. I had a run in with a friend from my college years back in February and we were gonna try and make a run for things later on down the road. But, when you haven't been around each other in nearly 6 years. Things change in life. As do people and I've changed immensely and so has she. That's where that'll stay. Work related stuff. Well, it's picked up A LOT. Christ has it ever. But, that's job security in a world that doesn't have much of that. I do need to put up that I find myself looking deeper into the world though and seeing that the sands of time (((this is totally my mindset and not of anyone else' and if it offends you or if you have an opinion on this matter. Well, opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one.))) are running way low and it truly freaks me out. I wanna live life more but, everyday I'm held back by my own mind and my life as it is.
Oh well. >.>
That's the way the cookie crumbles.
I'm starting to run low on thoughts and it's later than I thought and I need to be in bed reading some before I crash out because I have been making it a habit of being in bed before midnight and I've been doing great for the past month.
Go me. I know this!
Ok, well I will bow out and hope you guys enjoy your week ahead..the few that read this malarkey
-Marion OUT
You find me without a computer 5 years ago and I'd be dying.
My lifeboat - My mobile. God I will never convert back to a regular mobile phone ever again. I absolutely love my Droid and will never trade it for all the gold in...Atlantis. It's been my line into the world and kept me up-to-date on everything. I mean it all. Facebook, Twitter, Myspace hell even Fubar. I've done well, only thing that's not itched me hardly any at all.
World of Warcraft.
I did however cancel my account Friday evening. I find myself wanting to play but then I realize I'm bored in 20 minutes. Oh well, That's 15 bucks a month I'll be saving. Christ. I need to save. I've got mass debt to pay off.
-Anywho. I'm glad to be back on this. I'm happy. Scary to be happy that you're blogging stuff down. But, I am. I've even went as far as recording my thoughts and whatnot before bed at night on my mobile. I've got quite a bit of stuff on there I need to go through and blog down soon. That'll be at a later date when I get to feeling the need to. Right now I'm content with what is being spilled onto the palate right now.
So, I'm gonna give you guys a up to date on life as is right now and what you have all missed in the past few months.
-My brother has gotten a car. He and my step-father went out and bought a 2010 Mazda CX7 . Tis a nice SUV. He got the church he attends to pay for the hand control so that he can drive it. Then this past tuesday he went to the DMV and took his writing and eye and driving test and passed. He is back on the road. OMFG. Nearly 6 years he's been off the road. We've been the ones to drive him everywhere. I've been with him several times riding around, getting him used to the control and how to handle this big car around. Interesting is all I can say. He's got a lot of learning still left and I fear he needs to do it alone. He does scare me sometimes. But, I realize that if we wreck or cause someone else to wreck then...it was bound to happen sooner or later. He is very heavy 'handed' ...with this hand control he is driving one hand on the steering wheel and one hand on this control stick that you press forward for the brakes and press down for the gas. It's interesting. I've driven like it before and let me tell you. It was very hard for me to do for the first few times till I had to treat my hands like my feet and switched sensory perception like he has had to learn over the past years since becoming a paraplegic. My mom on the other side of this all is a fucking total wreck and will not watch him drive. She rode in the back seat one time and only time. She went into screaming fit when he was turning onto a road and was on the otherside because he over corrected and a 18-Wheeler was coming around the corner. I had to yell at her to calm down before she makes him more nervous. He drives just like he use to when his legs were working. He rides the white line...HORRIBLY. He's ran off the road several times. Nearly hit a car the other night. Has almost hit my car and my neighbors car because there isn't much room for him to turn here in the parking lot when he's leaving.
...It's just....gonna take a lot of time and patience. Which I've got. But, my mom and step dad doesn't.
-Other news.
Personal wise. I've really not got much to report. I had a run in with a friend from my college years back in February and we were gonna try and make a run for things later on down the road. But, when you haven't been around each other in nearly 6 years. Things change in life. As do people and I've changed immensely and so has she. That's where that'll stay. Work related stuff. Well, it's picked up A LOT. Christ has it ever. But, that's job security in a world that doesn't have much of that. I do need to put up that I find myself looking deeper into the world though and seeing that the sands of time (((this is totally my mindset and not of anyone else' and if it offends you or if you have an opinion on this matter. Well, opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one.))) are running way low and it truly freaks me out. I wanna live life more but, everyday I'm held back by my own mind and my life as it is.
Oh well. >.>
That's the way the cookie crumbles.
I'm starting to run low on thoughts and it's later than I thought and I need to be in bed reading some before I crash out because I have been making it a habit of being in bed before midnight and I've been doing great for the past month.
Go me. I know this!
Ok, well I will bow out and hope you guys enjoy your week ahead..the few that read this malarkey
-Marion OUT
Sunday, January 24, 2010
What is it with indecisiveness
The word itself -Indecisiveness. The true definition of it is this
-
-
1. Prone to or characterized by indecision; irresolute: an indecisive manager.
2. Inconclusive: an indecisive contest; an indecisive battle.
3. Not clearly defined; indefinite: indecisive boundaries running through mountainous terrain.
..My family is full of it. The older I've gotten I realize I am to like this to a degree, But. Knowing what it is I want changes everything. I can't just say mmm..I'd like a waffle tomorrow, Then knowing that I was wanting that waffle tomorrow I say..mmm I dunno now, It'd be better if I'd wait till later tonight for it. Then just pass it up all together. That or saying the dreaded 3 words I hate so much with a fucking burning passion "I don't care" .. I hate having that being said to me. In groups of more than 3 when you are choosing where ever it is you're going to go and every single person says "I don't care, Whatever you want" ... My choice is usually MY preference then because you gave me rights to where I want to go and not where YOU want to go or do.
I deal with so much indecisiveness throughout the workweek that it's horrible. My family is main cause of it. My step dad has my mentality on it. If you don't choose well then fuck you we're doing what I want then. Same when people will call you. Ask you to do something then before you hang up they're flipping out 'Oh oh, well just wait till later. You're busy I'm sure and are tired, etc. etc" ..That pisses me off. Either Yay or Nay.. Either ask me to do it now and or make time to do it or better yet tell me that at a certain time If I would, I might just do it but if you're going to beat around the fucking bush for 6 hours and call me every 45-90 mins repeating yourself then why not call others?!.
I needed this. I went and bought me a new cordless phone this past week with a voicemail on it. OMG I love it. I can finally fucking scan calls. never again have to pick up the phone and hear bill collectors pronounce my name wrong and then ask for my spouse. Btw, I could just get caller ID.. fuck that. I'm cheep. Answering machines are the caller IDs of the '90s baby. But, I've discovered this was a bad thing as well. If I don't answer the house phone then the cell phone goes off. If I don't happen to answer the cell right away..they'll call my house phone again. My brother was in such a tirade to get in touch with me yesterday before my message on the machine finished saying 'please try again later' he was dialing my cell phone and it kept going off on the machine till he realized that hitting the 'flash' button doesn't auto d/c you >.< ...
If I survive till my birthday. Which I believe is on a tuesday. I'm calling out Wednesday because I'm going to get so fucking hammered again like I did last year that I do not wanna wake up to remember if I literally ran naked around the house or not.
Hopefully by then peace will have been placed around here to a degree.
If not. Well, ffs. I guess I'll deal like I've always done before. Just keep my mouth shut from now on like I'm doing and pray to God that my facial expressions don't piss off anyone else even from looking at my phones.
..My family is full of it. The older I've gotten I realize I am to like this to a degree, But. Knowing what it is I want changes everything. I can't just say mmm..I'd like a waffle tomorrow, Then knowing that I was wanting that waffle tomorrow I say..mmm I dunno now, It'd be better if I'd wait till later tonight for it. Then just pass it up all together. That or saying the dreaded 3 words I hate so much with a fucking burning passion "I don't care" .. I hate having that being said to me. In groups of more than 3 when you are choosing where ever it is you're going to go and every single person says "I don't care, Whatever you want" ... My choice is usually MY preference then because you gave me rights to where I want to go and not where YOU want to go or do.
I deal with so much indecisiveness throughout the workweek that it's horrible. My family is main cause of it. My step dad has my mentality on it. If you don't choose well then fuck you we're doing what I want then. Same when people will call you. Ask you to do something then before you hang up they're flipping out 'Oh oh, well just wait till later. You're busy I'm sure and are tired, etc. etc" ..That pisses me off. Either Yay or Nay.. Either ask me to do it now and or make time to do it or better yet tell me that at a certain time If I would, I might just do it but if you're going to beat around the fucking bush for 6 hours and call me every 45-90 mins repeating yourself then why not call others?!.
I needed this. I went and bought me a new cordless phone this past week with a voicemail on it. OMG I love it. I can finally fucking scan calls. never again have to pick up the phone and hear bill collectors pronounce my name wrong and then ask for my spouse. Btw, I could just get caller ID.. fuck that. I'm cheep. Answering machines are the caller IDs of the '90s baby. But, I've discovered this was a bad thing as well. If I don't answer the house phone then the cell phone goes off. If I don't happen to answer the cell right away..they'll call my house phone again. My brother was in such a tirade to get in touch with me yesterday before my message on the machine finished saying 'please try again later' he was dialing my cell phone and it kept going off on the machine till he realized that hitting the 'flash' button doesn't auto d/c you >.< ...
If I survive till my birthday. Which I believe is on a tuesday. I'm calling out Wednesday because I'm going to get so fucking hammered again like I did last year that I do not wanna wake up to remember if I literally ran naked around the house or not.
Hopefully by then peace will have been placed around here to a degree.
If not. Well, ffs. I guess I'll deal like I've always done before. Just keep my mouth shut from now on like I'm doing and pray to God that my facial expressions don't piss off anyone else even from looking at my phones.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Hot Pockets know me all too well
It's true. The box, container, holder...thingy whatever the hell you call it. There is a quote on the box saying "There's no law that says you can't eat and blog at the same time" ... I had to share this. Stupid I know but still I found the shit to be hilarious. I find it hard to believe that it's 10:30pm EST. I usually am playing World of Warcraft right now. I'm irritated with it right now for the moment, kept freaking crashing on me tonight and got me pissed off. Too, I got on my Warlock and found that I got bored with it in less than 45 minutes. *sigh* oh well. I went back to my usual trolling business of scanning myspace and everywhere else and wound up sittin here for the night blabbing away my mindless rants off to everyone that'll read it.
oh side note. Jumping off that subject for the moment. I watched the most legendary movie last night. I remembered watching it as a kid and I for some odd reason remembered a scene from it last night and got online to look it up on the site I watch movies and omg I found it on there. I had to watch it. sure I didn't get to bed till 2am. Who the hell cares?!. I was so enthralled with it. I think I'm gonna have to find it somewhere and buy it on dvd. lol, It's called 'High Spirits' from back in 1988. If you've never seen it. I suggest you watch it because it's sheer stupidity and comedy is something after you watch it you'll know why I suggested it. :P
Well I think that's all from me for the moment. It's off to do whatever it is I feel like. night people.
oh side note. Jumping off that subject for the moment. I watched the most legendary movie last night. I remembered watching it as a kid and I for some odd reason remembered a scene from it last night and got online to look it up on the site I watch movies and omg I found it on there. I had to watch it. sure I didn't get to bed till 2am. Who the hell cares?!. I was so enthralled with it. I think I'm gonna have to find it somewhere and buy it on dvd. lol, It's called 'High Spirits' from back in 1988. If you've never seen it. I suggest you watch it because it's sheer stupidity and comedy is something after you watch it you'll know why I suggested it. :P
Well I think that's all from me for the moment. It's off to do whatever it is I feel like. night people.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
First blog of 2010
So I need to go ahead and say that this weather that we're experincing in North Carolina right now is off the charts. I really hope we set a record for lows tonight. I wish wind chills could count because that shit would really win us a record. lol, anyways I'm gonna make a small quirk about how water leaks when it's 8:30am shouldn't happen, when it's 16 degrees outside too it makes you wanna kick someones ass for letting it happen. I didn't feel that urge. I felt like I was just...going to work..lol I stacked my clothes on...well not really stacked. shirt, jeans, socks and a beanie and coat. booya. g2g. So, here we go. After the one carpet guy leaves from extracting the water out of the 2 units that flooded I noticed that one persons heat pump was literally FROZEN. It has at least 2-3 inches of ice on it on the outside and when I looked inside I see WHITE. I thought instantly oh shit this isn't good. I ran to their apt. knocked on the door. no one home. I turned the heat down so it wouldn't run and could thaw out some. Shit man, I'd hate it too....but then alas..I thought..could that be what that noise is that I'm hearing from my heat pump at night?...BINGO. I walked down to my heat pump and what ya know. There is ice on the outside at the bottom and it's chock full inside of it too. Christ, So I called up my mom and told her about it. I turned my heat off in hopes for a few hours that it will allow it to thaw maybe.. it's so fucking cold right now it more than likely wont..
oi vey.
Then last night my brother mentions that he wants to go to best buy tomorrow (today now). He's a paraplegic. He hates it when it gets below 50 sometimes. He isn't gonna want to head out today when it won't get any warmer than 32. I can stand it. But, then again. I walk and my blood can pump harder..........too...I'm fat. no sugar coating there.
Ok well I'm gonna eat some soup before it gets too blasted cold and watch a movie.
Welcome 2010. Lets rock the boat some this year. =D
oi vey.
Then last night my brother mentions that he wants to go to best buy tomorrow (today now). He's a paraplegic. He hates it when it gets below 50 sometimes. He isn't gonna want to head out today when it won't get any warmer than 32. I can stand it. But, then again. I walk and my blood can pump harder..........too...I'm fat. no sugar coating there.
Ok well I'm gonna eat some soup before it gets too blasted cold and watch a movie.
Welcome 2010. Lets rock the boat some this year. =D
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