Responsibility

It's too much to think that I will be responsible soon for a lot of lives and 9 building totaling 92 apartments I'll be responsible for as well... =/
I don't deal with stress so easily. I do however know how to work and manipulate people to a degree and turn tables when needed. I don't know how to bite my tongue when I'm ill or you make a snide comment towards me even if it's about my job. I don't handle my anger very well and that's what pretty much scares the living shit out of me to take over being site manager here at the apartments. I fear I won't be able to hold off on just snapping a person neck because they aren't living in some 5 start apartment like those you find in upper Manhattan, New York. This is government housing. We're slack asses because the government and the management company doesn't wanna give us the money but once every other year to do something that helps out.
I can however, do the paperwork. Snap out orders and tell ppl whether or not they can live here or failed the criminal or credit backgrounds. I have a god complex when I have more authority than I can handle sometimes as well. I call it a perk. Some call it being a complete asshole. What else can I do that would turn this to a positive outlook. There is so much training I need to go through but, christ - my mom went through it for a month or less and was thrown into the pits. Now she knows most the Rural Development stuff like it's nothing. It's a time taking process that...we neither have time to do because WE'RE the only ones who will take the time to sit through the paperwork. My co-worker and other supervisor (who btw works another job as a manager) won't touch our paperwork. Will not call contractors. Won't meet up with them and kiss their asses like I've done in the past to just cut a deal and do the work without having to kill me and make me look a fool in the end. I was never taught people skills. I wasn't shown how to talk 'properly' over the phone. I just..did it. Went with the flow and showed kindess with kindess and showed pissed off with a smart ass attitude. I can do that.
I took can triple my yearly income with taking this job. I won't settle for less than what my mom is getting and in lieu of my training I've had over the years and taught myself alongside with her help. I should make what she is getting. Then...I'll have to move from this place...yay. I'll just move to another apartment complex. If I happen to make it a year here. I'll move onward to another management job. But. I don't give myself enough hope to make it here a year without being the biggest mother fucking asshole god ever put on this earth. I can't stand sniveling lil women who are leaches upon the government, who do nothing but know how to lay on their back and get knocked up ever other 9 months and get another extra check because they don't know how to say no. It just irritates me to death. I've been here 6 years and bared witness to a lot of this. I've seen good people come and go. More go then come. More and more I turn and look this place is becoming the hood.
...I..won't..I can't let that happen. I'll burn these buildings down and rebuild them with my own hands before this shit gets this bad. Another thing though is burdening myself with other peoples drama. My own mother it seems, after all these years. Thrives off it. She will listen and then turn and tell others her problems because she feels "safe" telling them this. Then in turn, a few days, weeks, months later when a problem arises with that person. Shit hits the fan because what was said months ago has been turned and now people are at her throat or she's at their throat. vice versa. It's ridiculous, I won't let myself get there. I tend to block out people when they start in on their personal lives while I'm at work. Because...A) it isn't my business - B) I could give two squirts of piss. I notice while I work in there as well. I won't look people in the eyes. I've heard this is a sign of someone lying or not being honest. I just can't because I can see them for more than what they are and I wind up getting irritable and let them just become winded and keep repeating themselves over till I wind up telling them something differently.
That's me and yeah. I'm evil when I have more power than I'm suppose to. Think that's why I couldn't do government work or higher power end jobs because of my minor god complex I have with authority and idiots.
Well, stick around I'll keep you guys up-to-date on what the changes that are coming around soon.

Marion - OUT