That dreary tone..

"I can't believe I died last night, Oh God I'm dead again" - Type O Negative "Dead Again"

..That lyric is true. Peter Steele is dead. God, that is just fucking sucky. That man has got mad ...mad fucking talent. Sure, He was the typical rock god - drugs, sex and lots and lots of rock and roll baby.
I remember buying my first Type O Negative album. My friend James talked me into buying 'October Rust' .. I did and was just shocked at the sexuality innuendo that was underneath the gothic riffs and the just tone that was coming from this mans throat. It wasn't growling, it was a fuckin bass voice and I was enthralled with it. I was so entranced by the keyboard and the bass and rhythm that was coming out of my speakers. I couldn't get enough. I always would pick with friends on what album would be the best one to listen to while having sex. Most our answers were always a Type O Negative album. Mine was either bloody kisses or October Rust. ....Well..rofl...I got my wish. I remember back in 2005 when I was dating my ex and we were having sex and I remember hearing "Love you to death" playing through my speakers on the computer. I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear - Needless to say I rubbed it in every single friend I had. It's mood music. It really is. You want to set a mood for some just outright sex, the kind that last for hours. I recommend you go out RIGHT NOW and buy October Rust.
If you are depressed. Wanting to just lam loose. I recommend Bloody Kisses or Life is Killing me. although Life is Killing me is a bit dull and lackluster - You can't go wrong though with either or BOTH for that matter.
Every single album, when I'm depressed or needing that pick up of sorts. You can always count on Peter Steele's voice just coming in and telling you that there will be another woman and you will be ravaged and can go out and rip souls apart with the glare like no other.
I've got 2 beers left, I'm dropping one and the other one I'm gonna drop it down and spare some for Peter.
Find peace Peter, No more having to rely on pills to make it through the day. Now head up top and find Darrell and you two ROCK THE FUCK OUT OF THOSE GATES..in heaven or in hell. One or the other. It'll be a concert unlike anything one would imagine.
Your music will live on eons from now. No one ...I MEAN NO ONE will reproduce the vomit you spewed forth and call it music. I won't - no on else will.

Marion - OUT.

I just read this excerpt from Wikipedia :
In April 2007, Steele revealed that he began identifying himself as Roman Catholic in recent years, after decades of self-professed atheism. In an interview with Decibel magazine, Steele explained “There are no atheists in foxholes, they say, and I was a foxhole atheist for a long time. But after going through a midlife crisis and having many things change very quickly, it made me realize my mortality. And when you start to think about death, you start to think about what’s after it. And then you start hoping there is a God. For me, it’s a frightening thought to go nowhere. I also can’t believe that people like Stalin and Hitler are gonna go to the same place as Mother Teresa.”<sup>[4]

That's fanfuckingtastic Pete. I've questioned my mortality as well. I'm scared of death. It's what's after I'm scared of too. I hope there is a God that'll accept me as well..</sup>

For your consideration

I've had a moment today of just utter craziness..I went and cleaned my car out today while I was running errands for the complex ( i know - bad Matthew ) But, I seen that I needed to clean it out so I stopped at the carwash below main street and cleaned out my car, It was full of effing junk..but, not as bad as I've seen it before. I could at least see the floor of it. I've had to dig before to see the bottom of the seat before. Anywho. ... my crazy moment was seeing the big picture. I'm starting up a new bit of life. I'm working on things, trying out new 'skin' per-say..seeing how I might maybe one day step up in the business world ..soon..maybe..But, I'm content being the happy go sappy Matthew in life. but, Dude..I'm almost 30..4 years away but still..that'll be here in no time, I'm sitting alone. Enjoying life but - Man, I'm missing some stuff and I'm trying to progress and change that, thus why I'm crazy for trying out stuff for me. It's like the whole new wardrobe deal.
I've never ever in my life been one for dressing up. Now though. If I know I have to work the office that day or I'm going out to the town with friends I'm seeing a total transformation. I'm not wearing just a regular ol' t-shirt and baggy as all jeans. See me walk out the door wearing a vertical stripped button up shirt tucked in wearing khaki pants ironed out and neat. dude, w-t-f ..3 years ago. this wasn't me. But...it's true.
You progress towards what you're gonna become sooner or later. It's happening to me now. I'm becoming the business casual geek. Aside from the weight lost i've experienced some I'm seeing my true self come to the surface and...yeah, I like it.
I'll leave this blog with a awesome quote from a great song I've loved since I was a teen..

"Sometimes you got to go through Hell before you get to Heaven" - Steve Miller Band

Marion - OUT!

What was that sound?

Yeah really. Last night, after I finished up my previous blog I had published here. I found myself still awake and no where near sleepy. So, I thought that with some online tv would do me in. It did but in the process of coming back and sitting in my recliner and trying to get the damn thing to recliner back. I blame me being fat for this. It worked before pretty good. I don't know if it was because I'm heavy and it's hard to make it recline, anyways I hopped and jerked myself back to see if it would release and try to open. Nope. What it did do was this -CRACK!!! .. The frame in front on edge busted and broke. Now I'm sitting on no frame right now and just hear the crack and ping of springs going nuts underneath my weight. Well. Luckily I have another recliner that is uberly smaller that'll I'll use. Next up after it goes kerplunk. well the dog will get a new bed because the loveseat will return to being my throne. It once was and after my ex left me I reclaimed my throne in the recliner. I think today though I might ask and see if my mom will give me a offer that she once extended to me a few months back, she has a account with a furniture store and I would love a new living room suit but, With the dog still kicking I fear it could be back for she might mess on it or something else. I may wait to extend that question till a later date. I've had hand-me-downs since I moved in. Only thing that truly is mine that I've had...um...my broken desktop maybe? ...toothbrush?..fuck, I don't know. Just realizing that now I'm running even more late than before is making me hesitate even more so than 10 minutes ago when I started this blog up. Ugh.
I should become like the world and become a heavily medicated person.
My mom and brother are. 2 of my ex's are. One was more less a addict, wait-2 were. Heh. I think I'll stick to the suffer in silence till I'm pissed off and ready to explode and kill on sight method of medicine
Ok. I've got to go and get dressed and look like I'm a stain upon society with my paint and stain covered shirts and baggy jeans when underneath this visage I'm quite the knowledgeable man and honorable person who is a pacifist and protector...that is till you fuck with me and piss me off.

Marion - OUT

Back into the fire

I've been out of this for so long now that I find myself dying to blog. I've been without my laptop for damn near 2 months. OMG, I know - well; retract that statement. YOU don't know. I do, several other friends of mine do know as well. I've not went through withdrawal symptoms as bad as I did several years ago.
You find me without a computer 5 years ago and I'd be dying.
My lifeboat - My mobile. God I will never convert back to a regular mobile phone ever again. I absolutely love my Droid and will never trade it for all the gold in...Atlantis. It's been my line into the world and kept me up-to-date on everything. I mean it all. Facebook, Twitter, Myspace hell even Fubar. I've done well, only thing that's not itched me hardly any at all.
World of Warcraft.
I did however cancel my account Friday evening. I find myself wanting to play but then I realize I'm bored in 20 minutes. Oh well, That's 15 bucks a month I'll be saving. Christ. I need to save. I've got mass debt to pay off.
-Anywho. I'm glad to be back on this. I'm happy. Scary to be happy that you're blogging stuff down. But, I am. I've even went as far as recording my thoughts and whatnot before bed at night on my mobile. I've got quite a bit of stuff on there I need to go through and blog down soon. That'll be at a later date when I get to feeling the need to. Right now I'm content with what is being spilled onto the palate right now.
So, I'm gonna give you guys a up to date on life as is right now and what you have all missed in the past few months.
-My brother has gotten a car. He and my step-father went out and bought a 2010 Mazda CX7 . Tis a nice SUV. He got the church he attends to pay for the hand control so that he can drive it. Then this past tuesday he went to the DMV and took his writing and eye and driving test and passed. He is back on the road. OMFG. Nearly 6 years he's been off the road. We've been the ones to drive him everywhere. I've been with him several times riding around, getting him used to the control and how to handle this big car around. Interesting is all I can say. He's got a lot of learning still left and I fear he needs to do it alone. He does scare me sometimes. But, I realize that if we wreck or cause someone else to wreck then...it was bound to happen sooner or later. He is very heavy 'handed' ...with this hand control he is driving one hand on the steering wheel and one hand on this control stick that you press forward for the brakes and press down for the gas. It's interesting. I've driven like it before and let me tell you. It was very hard for me to do for the first few times till I had to treat my hands like my feet and switched sensory perception like he has had to learn over the past years since becoming a paraplegic. My mom on the other side of this all is a fucking total wreck and will not watch him drive. She rode in the back seat one time and only time. She went into screaming fit when he was turning onto a road and was on the otherside because he over corrected and a 18-Wheeler was coming around the corner. I had to yell at her to calm down before she makes him more nervous. He drives just like he use to when his legs were working. He rides the white line...HORRIBLY. He's ran off the road several times. Nearly hit a car the other night. Has almost hit my car and my neighbors car because there isn't much room for him to turn here in the parking lot when he's leaving.
...It's just....gonna take a lot of time and patience. Which I've got. But, my mom and step dad doesn't.
-Other news.
Personal wise. I've really not got much to report. I had a run in with a friend from my college years back in February and we were gonna try and make a run for things later on down the road. But, when you haven't been around each other in nearly 6 years. Things change in life. As do people and I've changed immensely and so has she. That's where that'll stay. Work related stuff. Well, it's picked up A LOT. Christ has it ever. But, that's job security in a world that doesn't have much of that. I do need to put up that I find myself looking deeper into the world though and seeing that the sands of time (((this is totally my mindset and not of anyone else' and if it offends you or if you have an opinion on this matter. Well, opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one.))) are running way low and it truly freaks me out. I wanna live life more but, everyday I'm held back by my own mind and my life as it is.
Oh well. >.>
That's the way the cookie crumbles.
I'm starting to run low on thoughts and it's later than I thought and I need to be in bed reading some before I crash out because I have been making it a habit of being in bed before midnight and I've been doing great for the past month.
Go me. I know this!
Ok, well I will bow out and hope you guys enjoy your week ahead..the few that read this malarkey

-Marion OUT