Does it begin or does it end?

Where do we see the addiction of life become a habit more so than a habit to enjoy. I don't find much enjoyment. I'll tell you why.
I'm plagued with thoughts that if I in fact leave this place that the world itself will implode on itself. (I'm talking about the apartments)
I've shoved the mindset (which by the way is wearing off as we speak still) that if I leave my family will go through a biblical crisis that I could have helped diverted if I stayed around longer.
That's 2 reasons why I haven't shoved myself out there to go find another job nor have I (to a degree) shoved myself out the door to go and find a new home. Working and living at your job. It's becoming a dull and irritating situation. One could do it if there was some kind of incentive program. There isn't one for any of the properties the company I work for. 'Nuff said. I'm really working more than I should and not getting the pay for it either. My boss wouldn't give me a better raise like she wanted to because her fear of me moving because it would raise my rent higher. Look. I am the 3rd highest paying renter here at the apartments. I'm in there because well, I deserve my pay and like the saying goes "you play-you pay" ..I'm paying for it in the end. I don't mind it. I'd rather have one paycheck to live nicely off of and be able to sit down and pay bills and not worry about if I'm going to be able to live the next 2 weeks off of saltines and tap water. My own mother witnessed my living this past Friday when I sat in front of her and paid out all my bills which amass to more than I get paid. I pay them all and it leaves me with less than 25 bucks everytime because that $25 bucks is what was left from my last paycheck which was swallowed up by my rent and one bill I pay in advance to savor the next check (if you can't figure it out. I'm being paid bi-weekly).
So, why the bitching and complaining you could say, from me?
Well, reason I'm sounding as if I want pity from you all reading this is that I want others to realize that people who work, live life inside the box inside ANOTHER box, they live a hard life too. Seeing that struggle every week I find myself taking a breath every pay check to say "oh look. Money, I need to give it away before it flies away". I don't care about my pay. I don't. I am happy that I'm able to get paid what I do. Which it's salary so whatever.
I'm wanting to get out of here but ...alas.. I'm too fucking lazy to motivate myself on weekends or evenings after I get off work. I'd rather come home and be the typical American Bachelor and play video games, drink beer and watch porn then go to bed. I don't think there will be any place for a woman in my life any time soon so that shit is shoved out the door alongsides with the thought that there is a house out there that is available for me to pay less than $475 a month - I know that's uber cheep to some. North Carolina is a very poor state and the cost of living is cheep to some. But when the minimum wage is only $7.25hr ..shit gets expensive real quick. I'm paying $400 a month for my place. I could spare a couple dollars more. I know people around me in my circle of friends who are paying $300 a month for a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom house. It's nice, Fuck though - How does a person like me get that handed to me, because like I said earlier. I am way to lazy to just hop out of my recliner here and just go after it like it's a butterfly just wanting me to catch it. Ugh, I guess I should wrap this up. I'm getting bored with the thoughts over in my brain because it's turning into a argument in there and god knows when my head gets into that bind I start bitching and complaining way more than I know.

I just set up my mobile blogging bit so I will possibly start posting a lot more here soon.