Seeing is just a part of it

I've came to a slow conculsion, I've slowed up on my blogging big time, I need to pick this up. I use to be a weekly blogger. But, Not really lately have I kept up with this..I forgive you the ..prolly 1-2 people that have ever read my very few blogs. eep.

I seen today that I'm a slacker. Totally, I've let my clothes pile up (just in front of the washer) ..I come in from work and I have just collapse. Though I've been having to stay the past 2 days at Josh' place because I wanted to. I'm still kinda tired though from work, I was so tired when I came in from Casey's place last night I actually on top of the tiredness I popped two tylenol PM's to make sure that I slept. Thus probably why I feel like I'm still half asleep. Too, the weather is playing a minor role in that. I think anyways.

Earlier this week at work on ...Monday I believe it was. I was sitting at the office with mom going over my papers for my re-certification *being I live at government subsidized housing I have to renew my lease every 12 months* we were looking over my gross amount for last year and then did my gross balance for what I'm making this year (in a long story short I'll spare you of, I'll tell you my pay was more than known to any of us after doing mass amounts of calculations) It was a large difference. I was certain my rent would be just shot through the roof *by roof I mean in the amounts of $350.00+*, Sure enough after we did the calculations and crunched the numbers for about 20 mins solid because I was never sure that it was right, We were both sitting there with calculators going over this as if we were drug smugglers counting the money we just were paid and it was more than before..Well after seeing this same number pop up. I wasn't denying it now. $401.00 bucks...:-O ... sweet gravy train man!..There is just no way..I'll admit that I'm seriously now in my mind deliberating on moving out because I know people who pay less in HOUSE payments. But, I also know that if I move I'll wind up going out for a new job. Not a bad thing is it?.. Nah, I didn't think so either. But, Kicker here is that in doing that I'll probably wind up shattering the peace here that I struggled to keep withing the confines of Pilot View. I fear it will anyways, But, Least I know more less I won't be under a watchful eye of others continuously.
I should just pray about it, Maybe a pow wow with the head cheese should clear my thoughts. Maybe I just need to be put in check and make myself realize that I can live with it and move along and be happy as anyone can be.
Then again, Why not go off and settle for something better, bigger, more awesome than a mediocre job and mediocre living quarters. I could live like the most slummed down 3rd world countries and be the poorest of the poor, or I could bust the door down and use my small amount of knowledge and be the next Kenneth Lay ... whoa.. Bad analogy there boss, um. My bad. Ok, lets roll with Al Gore. yeah that's a good one to coincide with ...lol


Whatever it is I'm just going to have to sit tight and just think hard about it. I'm sure the answers are just in front of me. Being who I am and hating change so much with a burning passion I refuse to accept the terms and move along with it that I would much rather sit in denial over it and just hit the 'repeat' button on life.


Move over Bill Murray, I'm making a new Groundhog Day.

Oi..vey....